The essays
nerd indulgence
Hi friends!
I’ve had more of you than expected express interest in reading my graduate school admissions essays. It’s funny because at first it was something I responded to with “omg! definitely!” but then when faced with actually sharing them and rereading some of them, the cringe set in. Not only a cringe, but a deep vulnerability hangover- and I haven’t even shared them yet. Hilarious.
I will come to this space and write all about some of the shittiest times in my life, share deep weird emo poems, partial nudes, photos of my intimate life, etc- but when faced with sharing essays I sent to school, I want to hide.
There’s a lot of layers to why it feels vulnerable to share these. An immediate one is tied to what I wrote last week- there is a vulnerability in desire, and you can feel my desire in these essays. You can feel the humility and vulnerability in them. The ask of those who received them,
“Am I worthy?”
It exposes the part of me that fears the possibility someone could read the essays and think, “this isn’t good enough,” “who does she think she is.”
God, I have a huge “who does she think she is” wound. Do you? I hope you don’t, but if you do, let’s agree to work on that together 😂
Because damn do I want each and every one of you to know who the fuck you are, and own it. Why can’t I want that for myself?
There’s another layer that makes it hard to share these. The layer of sharing another side of myself in this space- my professional, academic self. A small part of why this space was created was to share things unrelated to that side of me, in a more private place. Though if I am honest, it is difficult to compartmentalize myself like that. My professional life and academic life exist because of my love and devotion to ecology, the nature, to creativity, to love. They are not separate.
And another more simple and pragmatic layer- some of it may be boring to read because of the nature of academic admissions essays. You have to talk highly of yourself, you have to explain details of why programs were chosen, all possibly leading to a “yawn” and why did Kabryn share these? But then I remember that many of you are actually on your own personal journeys of school, jobs, finding your purpose, and I remember that these could help in a straightforward way too.
But ultimately, despite the fear I am going to copy/paste the essays, and hit send today. Because that’s how I want to live. I want to be open. Instead of gatekeeping what it takes to get into these institutions- I want to swing that gate wide open. And maybe most of all I am hitting send because I was fucking vulnerable in these essays. I shared things you aren’t supposed to share. I was authentic. I laid it all out there.
And that’s who they let in.
I’m going to hit send on these because I hope these essays can become way more than, “What did Kabryn write to get into school”- and instead, leave you reflecting:
If I had to write a statement of purpose about my desires for my next chapter of life, what would I say?
If I had to talk about how my lived experiences have prepared me for the next chapter of my life, what story would they tell?
If I had to tell strangers 15 random things about me to help them understand my true nature, what would I share?
I hope if you skim through these, they can encourage you to take a layer off, to walk through the world just a little more you. To release some shame, and see what happens.
I like remembering that everyone who reads these little emails or blog posts chose to click on it. It has a much safer energy than someone happening upon a post on social media. Energy matters.
I like to think that in the chaos of the world, in the noise of social media, that if you clicked on this, you were taking a little moment for yourself to slow down. Hopefully, some of these posts reach you on the little screen in your hand, or laptop on your lap and they touch something in you. They make you feel your insides more. They remind you to ask yourself questions like,
Who am I?
What do I desire?
What am I afraid of?
What can I let go of?
What inside of me is asking to be seen?
Because when I share anything here- those are the questions I am asking myself.
A reminder, I read every single comment or email response and they mean the world to me 💖 never hesitate to let me know your thoughts. And as always, if you want access to this but can’t afford it, respond to this email directly and I’ll add you. There should also be a free 7 day trial option now that opens up all paywalled essays 🕊️
Below I’ll list the essay prompts so you know what I was asked- and then the essays :)
Cheers, you sensitive nerds.
(you’re only still reading this if you are one)
